Archives for posts with tag: New Years

A Lion lay asleep in the forest, his great head resting on his paws. A timid little Mouse came upon him unexpectedly, and in her fright and haste to get away, ran across the Lion’s nose. Roused from his nap, the Lion laid his huge paw angrily on the tiny creature to kill her.

“Spare me!” begged the poor Mouse. “Please let me go and some day I will surely repay you.”

The Lion was much amused to think that a Mouse could ever help him. “Mice are garbage. They’re worthless. They bring gang violence and disease to the forest.” Rather than release the Mouse, the Lion paid to have her shipped to another forest where she had never lived before.

The Lion, seeing himself as King of the Jungle, began to conspire to rid the forest of Mice entirely. He spoke of them at length as threats to all animals’ kits and cubs, as criminals bringing drugs into the forest, and that these Mice are eating the cats and eating the dogs. Long tired of the stodginess of the elephant and the empty braying of the donkey, the denizens of the forest flocked to this new kind of ruler.

The forest crumbled quickly under the decisions of the Lion. Rodents who had supported the Lion were aghast that they were being targeted under this regime, believing themselves to be different because they weren’t Mice! Even the larger mammals began to question the state of things as food became more and more scarce as the Lion tore down more and more trees, arguing their necessity to the forest is a derangement induced by the woke mind-virus. Only the Snakes were happy, profiting as they were on the boiling-over disdain for Mice that they had always kept simmering.

Some time later, while stalking his prey in the forest, the Lion was caught in the toils of a hunter’s net. Unable to free himself, he filled the forest with his angry roaring. Looking around, the Lion saw several tiny figures emerge silently out from under the brush.

“You laughed when I said I would repay you,” said the Mouse. “Now you see that even a Mouse can take down a Lion.”

Once upon a time, there was a hungry wolf who was always on the lookout for food. However, the shepherds in the area were always watching over their sheep, making it difficult for the wolf to get his next meal.

One day, the wolf stumbled upon a discarded sheepskin and an idea formed in his mind. He ignored the sheepskin altogether and walked right into the pasture among the flock, taking zero pains to hide the fact that he was not at all like them.

As the wolf was mingling with the sheep, a little lamb started following him around, bafflingly unaware of his true identity. The wolf saw his opportunity and quickly led the lamb away to be slaughtered.

That evening, the wolf in no disguise whatsoever entered the sheepfold again along with the rest of the flock. However, little did he know that the shepherd had a craving for mutton broth that very evening. The shepherd picked up a knife and went to the sheepfold to select a sheep for his broth.

The shepherd walked up to the wolf and eyed him up and down. He shrugged his shoulders and the two of them grabbed a sheep and butchered it in front of all the others. They didn’t even bother to eat it. They just left its mangled carcass in the sheepfold and went to McDonald’s. The sheep, with all their cognitive capabilities intact, welcomed this as their new reality.

Just gonna bang ’em out this year:

  • A bird in the hand is worth the labour required to obtain it. Focusing on the value relative to birds in the bush erases the worker and makes them vulnerable to exploitation
  • A penny saved is wealth hoarded
  • Every bird gets a worm when resources are equitably distributed
  • An apple a day produces unsustainable monocropping
  • Good things come to those who wait, and ought to be subject to an estate tax
  • You can coerce a horse to water using kicks, spurs, and a riding crop, and you can forcibly dehydrate it so the horse conforms to your drinking schedule. But can you collaborate with the horse as equals toward a shared goal?

Lastly, “People in glass houses invite voyeurism.” No silly progressive message in this one; just pointing out how pervy having a glass house would be.