Archives for category: Gender and Sexuality

It seems that every single group of people gets their own month, their own week, or their own day. I mean, what do white people get, outside of the Oscars? Why don’t WE get a month? Well, there are a couple reasons. But I recently read an interview with Chris Rock that illuminated something about race, and really gender and sexuality as well, that suggested to me that straight/white/men need more of a focus than they are currently receiving.

I’ll give you the relevant text from the interview:

When we talk about race relations in America or racial progress, it’s all nonsense. There are no race relations. White people were crazy. Now they’re not as crazy. To say that black people have made progress would be to say they deserve what happened to them before.

What Chris Rock is saying is that, in regards to race, white people are the ones doing the progressing. Black people have always been human, with the capacity for intelligence and emotion that was long ignored in them, and to phrase race relations as black people making progress is to give the illusion that black people are the ones improving, whereas the opposite is true. White people have made great strides in becoming less moronic about the human beings that surround them, and it is white people who need to be the ones to continue to make great strides.

So why give us a month? Feminists have long argued, probably rightly so, that men do not take women seriously. There’s the old chestnut of the female executive saying something at a meeting, being ignored, and then a male colleague repeating her exact idea and being listened to, often taking the credit. It happens. However, if progressive change is to be made, would it not be logical for a male ally to be a prominent mouthpiece for the feminist movement? If feminists want to be taken seriously, and women aren’t taken seriously, why not use a man?

The artist Macklemore wrote a song called Same Love that advocated for same-sex relationships. It was a considerable blow in the fight to overcome homophobic cultural norms, but it received a great deal of criticism from gay-rights activists because Macklemore is straight. A suggestion I read was that if Macklemore wants to be an ally to the gay-rights movement, he should push homosexual rappers into the limelight, rather than hogging it for himself. Regardless of the impact that Same Love had on our culture, it was rejected by some of those that it was trying to help.

Is the goal not to overcome prejudice? Who cares who the messenger is? Well, some people do.

There is term called the Great White Saviour, and what this refers to is a white person, typically portrayed in films, that comes to care for and fight for either the Noble Savage, or the Oppressed Minority, or whoever it happens to be. You get the idea. Ol’ Whitey rolls in to town, and the great guy that he is, saves the minority and is revered as a hero. What this signifies is that white people are honourable, compassionate, moral beings, and minorities are weak and unable to do anything about their own condition.

This, of course, could apply to any such dominant figure, such as a straight person rapping about gay rights, or a man advocating for feminism, etc.

Do the voices of the dominant detract from the voices of the oppressed? Can we only ever steal credit? Comparing Hollywood’s crushing inability to properly convey progressive messages to the real-life work of advocates is a little unfair. Like relates to like, and the dominant group is going to relate most to others from the dominant group, and it’s the dominant group that needs to change. In my personal experience, it was Dr. Jackson Katz that was my first, real introduction into the world of feminism. He’s a man, by the way, if the name wasn’t a big enough indicator. The message was an important one, and because it was delivered by somebody I could relate to, I was able to listen.

If the message is good, why not pick the messenger that the people most needing to hear it will listen to?

Post-script: I am aware that this is not a new idea, and that many social justice advocates are desperate for the voices of allies. Maybe if there was a month celebrating those allies, the quieter ones would be more likely to pipe up?

I’m also not trying to disparage the work that minority rights activists do. We wouldn’t have any allies at all if they weren’t doing all the heavy lifting.

As some of you may know, bill c-36 was passed into Canadian law this weekend, quite deliciously on Canada’s day of remembering violence against women. Which makes sense since we all know that the combination of sex and money becomes an act of horrendous violence equivalent to a school shooting where the males and females are separated, and the gunman specifically shoots only the females in order to “combat feminism.” That is what selling sex is like every day; dodging a hail of bullet fire as you try to bring your client to orgasm. It’s a combination of Secret Diary of a Call Girl and Commando, and unfortunately the prostitutes are Sully.

However, in reality, average sex workers have more problems with the law than they do with being on the wrong end of a Schwarzenegger-esque killing spree. In fact, a year ago the Supreme Court of Canada struck down the current laws that were in place because they deemed them unconstitutional. After much deliberation, the Conservative government of Canada put forward a new bill, bill c-36, as their way of fixing the problem. I have discussed most of the issues already here, but I would like to add a few new bits of information.

First and foremost, the way most of the discussion surrounding the Nordic model (prosecuting the Johns rather than the sex workers) is giving the illusion that we were prosecuting the sex workers before. Sex work in Canada was already decriminalized. It wasn’t technically illegal to sell sex, there were just a whole bunch of laws surrounding the selling of sex that made it relatively difficult to practice. It was these auxiliary laws that were deemed unconstitutional. The new law doesn’t actually address any of those issues, and actually made things worse, as I discussed.

One thing that I don’t cover in that blog is that advertising is not technically illegal, so long as it is the prostitute publishing it. So a magazine that has escort ads in the back is breaking the law. Which is the same thing as making advertising illegal, because I sincerely doubt that we are going to be getting subscription letters to “Whores Weekly” in the mail. Normal publishing organizations such as magazines or web providers would not risk an altercation with the law, and counting on the lady herself to create her own web server or publishing company is ludicrous. As with most laws surrounding prostitution, there is no direct legal threat against the prostitute herself, but the punishment is there for those surrounding her in order to dissuade her from the practice .

Now, since I wanted to do a little more than vent, here is a brief history of sex worker activism. I do try to keep most of my information on this blog Canadian when I can, but all the books and websites I’ve read surrounding this topic have been about America. Since pretty much all our media and public discussion comes from the States anyway, I don’t see this as such a huge problem.

Contemporary sex worker advocacy started out in the late 1970s, under the organization called Whores, Housewives, and Others. Now, this might seem like an odd combination of groups coming together, but it’s really not all that odd when you think about it. Whores do something for money that society thinks they should do for free, and housewives were asking for money to do something that society thinks they should do for free. Woman’s work, be it sexual or domestic, is supposed to be inherent to her gender and therefore asking to be paid for either of these two paths is an affront to decent society. So the two banded together to form WHO. For those wondering, the “others” were lesbians. This was at a time when few people were bandying around the idea of specifically lesbian rights, and so the whores and housewives gave them an organization to belong to. They were referred to as “other” because back then, one could not even say the word lesbian, as Kate Clinton would say, even when their mouths were full of one.

WHO (remember, whores, not health organizations) went on to become COYOTE under the leadership of Margo St. James. COYOTE is an acronym for Call Off Your Old Tired Ethics. This group continued to fight for the decriminalization of prostitution, with their argument being that the sexist ethics of the past no longer applied to modern day society. Women are allowed to make their own decisions, and if they decide to sell sex, it is only outdated misogynistic mores that declare that to be improper.

Then, in the 1980s, AIDS happened. Whether created by the CIA, sex with monkeys, or simply Reaganomics, AIDS devastated the 1980s with its brutal stigmatization of homosexuals, drug users, and, hey whaddia know, sex workers. It was the disease of the deviants, and although the sex trade was responsible for only a small fraction of the AIDS cases, with its already unsavoury nature, it became an easy scapegoat for fear-mongering politicians and media talking points. This nasty turn of events destroyed the decriminalization aspect of sex worker activism, and thus was born the BAN THE SHIT OUT OF IT movement. Feminists, to combat the newly reignited stigmatism of the sex trade, declared these women to be hapless victims, unwilling participants in the deviant career of prostitution. Rather than continue to fight the criminal nature of the sex trade in the face of the AIDS monolith, activists took the easy route. People already believed that women were incapable of making their own decisions, so that tried and true angle was applied to the sex trade, but now women’s rights activists were saying it, and that makes it okay.

Advocacy for the sex trade hasn’t changed much since then. There are smaller groups that continue to campaign for decriminalization and declare that sex worker’s rights are human rights, but the vast majority of voices heard in regards to the sex trade are those condemning it as patriarchal indentured labour. A few token sob stories will be taken out of the woodwork to justify the abhorrent nature of prostitution, but for the most part, sex workers themselves will be ignored during the discussion of the morality or lawfulness of the sex trade industry.

Like I’ve said, the perceived passive nature of female sexual consent is a tough nut to get around on both sides of the feminist spectrum. Because a woman’s consent is being compromised by adding money into the equation, obviously something must be wrong, right? Very few people are able to grasp that the sexuality of a woman might encompass more than just her ability to give or decline consent, and so decisions are made for her in regards to what she can and cannot do with that sexuality.

This bill doesn’t affect me in the slightest. I am what is referred to as a “square”, someone who is entirely outside of the sex trade industry, though I prefer to be called a rhombus. However, I can occasionally pick out bullshit when I see it, and this bill is bullshit. There were many horrors associated with abortion before it was legalized/normalized, and both issues come down to a woman being able to control what she can do with her own body.

People frequently puzzle over the age-old question about whether or not all men are secretly rapists. Scientists have done multiple studies, and the results have always come back inconclusive. Men can almost always be caught staring at a woman’s chest, catcalling her or telling her her scale out of 10, or even the mildest form of rape: telling her to smile.

Of course, not everybody considers these social interactions as offensive as others might, and people routinely defend them as harmless, or even complimentary. These people are men, and since we basically make the rules, the qualifications for what constitutes sexual harassment gets to be really, really fluid. If the intention isn’t to beat the shit out of her with your penis, then it’s probably okay, right?

So why are women being raped by pretty much everything that men do, and why are men being entirely oblivious to it?

Allow me, a straight, white male, to give you the answer.

The social conditioning that boys and girls go through are entirely different. I’m pretty sure most people know this. Typically, boys are conditioned to be tools (a tool as in a hammer or a screwdriver, not a tool as in a douchebag). We’re trained to go out and do shit; fight crime, solve mysteries, be astronauts, whatever. Women, on the other hand, are conditioned to be temples. They get to stand around and look pretty while men are out fighting crime and solving mysteries. I’m pretty sure most people refer to this as men being the actor and women being the acted-upon, but I’m using the tool/temple analogy because it makes more sense when I eventually get around to linking this to sex.

Society has gotten a smidgen better with its portrayal of women. Women are beginning to solve their own share of mysteries, and little girls are starting to get role models that are more than just incompetent princesses waiting around for some dude with a sword to fix all their problems with marriage. However, since most movies still fail the Bechdel test, we clearly have a long way to go.

Despite all the progress women have made in becoming tools in regards to their careers and livelihood, when it comes to sex, there is nothing. Nobody talks about it, or if they do, there is zero consensus about how women should be having it. Some think that women should be freely sexual beings, others think that sex implies patriarchal ownership, that it is degrading to women. There is a bit of a divide.

Men, we know how to have sex. We’re tools. We go out, we buy a girl a drink, and then she becomes obligated to have sex with us now that we’ve spent all of five dollars on her. Our sexual autonomy is that we go out and we do. Simple.

The temples, on the other hand, are still being acted upon. The sexual autonomy of a women is her ability to give out consent. Consent is basically a one-way street. When consent is discussed, it is almost always in the context of the female. She gets to decide whom she allows into her temple. She’s not going out to get laid, she’s going out to decide who she lets have sex with her. Her autonomy embodies the passive role, rather than the active.

I’m not saying this is necessarily a bad thing. Some people think that the body should be sacred, and sex should follow that logic, and that’s why I choose the temple metaphor. There could be an argument made that men should view their own sexuality in a more revered fashion, rather than just as slavering dogs.

Good or bad, this is the way it is. And so when assholes on the street catcall a girl, they are chipping away at her only form of sexual autonomy: her consent. If the only autonomy a girl has with regards to her sexuality is her ability to either allow or disallow sexual advances, and those advances are being thrust upon her, unasked, as she goes about her daily life, then it is understandable why “complimenting” a girl on her ass might piss her off. It’s basically verbally raping her, and she has no choice but to endure it because you can’t say “no” to a passing comment.

So why are men oblivious? Because we grew up as tools. Since we all know that empathy isn’t real, (or we should) then we know that men will naturally assume that women have the same outlook on sex as they do. I honestly can’t count the times I’ve been told, “well, just imagine a girl coming up to you and saying that” like it’s the same thing. It’s not, because men and women have different sexual autonomies based on our respective conditioning. But most guys don’t understand that, so they remain ignorant to the harm they are causing by something they might view as complimentary, because they imagine the reverse happening to them, without taking into consideration the conditioning towards sexuality that women go through in our society.

As easy as you might think it is to blame individual men for telling random women they’re hot, you have to remember that men aren’t being educated about the sexuality of women, either as temples or as tools, as men are exposed to even fewer female role models than women. And you can’t say, “teach men not to sexually harass women” because most men won’t understand what constitutes actual harassment based off of our own gendered biases.

So are all men rapists? Probably, but at least it’s not on purpose.

Post-script: There are a lot of generalities in here. Forgive me.