No, not the long running comic strip featuring the flamboyantly purple-spandexed crimefighter immortalized by the dashing Billy Zane, but Andrew Lloyd Webber’s tragic hero from The Phantom of the Opera.

Ignoring the extortion, terrorism, and double homicide because these obvious trivialities do not require a second thought, let’s focus on the expression of the Phantom’s inexhaustible love for Christine. The Phantom’s love arc seems like he watched Beauty and the Beast and figured that was a solid strategy for meeting women. Unfortunately, it turns out Raoul’s Gaston is actually the healthier choice, and Christine has no problem choosing between the man who would die for her and the man who would kill for… any reason, really. To be clear, the Phantom threatens to murder Raoul via hanging unless Christine chooses to stay with him, citing that fear can turn to love in the most glaring satire of Hollywood’s romantic comedy trope where the stalker-ish dude is somehow considered romantic by the leading lady. I mean, I bet if they made The Phantom of the Opera into a movie, the Phantom would be played by a handsome, charming man from the UK to really belabour that point. Oh wait!

But Christine, a sane person, ditcheshttps://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/7/7f/PS_I_Love_You_%28film%29.jpg/220px-PS_I_Love_You_%28film%29.jpg the Phantom for the supportive and caring Raoul BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY. However, most, if not all, audiences support the Phantom in his sympathetic plight. He is the outcast, shunned by contemporary beauty standards due to his grody disfigured face. We forgive his murder(s); we forgive his terrorizing of the bumbling theatre managers; we forgive his extortion and deranged control issues; we forgive all his sins. Why do we do this? Being gross looking isn’t an excuse, and the body positivity movement certainly wasn’t around when this production was released to make him a really counter-intuitive poster boy.

Of course, any romantic already knows the answer. The Phantom’s love, talent, and dedication are all uniquely genuine, and are made even more arresting by being enveloped in this otherwise miserable and tortured soul. We celebrate his passion, however explosive, as he yearns in his own misguided way for happiness. Despite his admittedly horrifying flaws, the Phantom possesses hope that, overcoming his despair, he too might have a chance at life. His martyrdom in the finale of the play shows his all-encompassing dedication to love, even over his own needs to feel human. We see that there is no black and white in this tale as old as time, this song as old as rhyme… er… hold on, I’m getting confused again… anyway, there is no black and white, and we see the Phantom as a tragic hero because that’s exactly what he is.

Were The Phantom of the Opera a reality in this post-9/11 world, the Phantom would be described as a lone nut, encumbered by mental illness and a symbol for the noose-control debate raging across America. He would be pilloried and vilified, and no one would dare take a sympathetic stance toward his plight because abducting white women is about the worst crime you can commit. But in the magic of the theatre, we do. We are exposed to his totality, warts and all, and we accept him regardless.

Yet how do we know that the monsters in our world do not have their own passions, their own loves for which they would abandon their humanity? Who is to say that each individual condemned in the media doesn’t have their own tragic heroism, worthy of any audience’s heartfelt sympathy? When we forget the life and isolate the crime, it’s easy to make a devil out of anyone, but the Phantom is an operatic reminder that we shouldn’t be so quick to demonize the Beasts of our society… crap, I did it again. I mean they’re both musicals too, come on!

I find quite often people referring to seemingly justice-oriented events as karmic in origin. Bad things happening to bad people; good things happening to good people; mediocre things happening to the rest of us.That’s karma. If the alleged consequence is after only a brief amount of time, the karma becomes instant; like cosmic pudding, available in minutes.

Except… that’s not karma. Karma is a universal justice, spanning eternity. The tribulations or treats one endures in this lifetime are the result of the countless lifetimes one has existed in prior to their current incarnation. If you punched a granny and then slipped as you strutted away proudly, that retribution was thousands of years in the making. The consequences of our current deeds will be felt in our lifetimes to come, not immediately after the fact. THAT is karma.

This position is not unique to the western bastardization of Indian religions. Even within Christianity we lament that God works in mysterious ways when terrible things inexplicably happen to us, and we question how God could allow this injustice to occur. However, I’m pretty sure the Bible is clear about its distribution of justice: heaven for good folks and hell for the bad ones. That is not mysterious. That is the opposite of a mystery. Granted you could counter with the Providence doctrine where God has actually laid out a predetermined plan for us all, but then your acceptance into heaven and hell has already been preordained, and if that’s the case, who gives a fuck? You either got the Grace or you don’t, and worrying about it isn’t going to change anything. If you’ve got free will, then Providence is less relevant, and you’re stuck with the traditional cosmic justice of working for your golden ticket.

Why do people reject these firmly established religious tenets in favour of their own made up doctrine? Why do we purposefully misinterpret cosmic justice for the more immediate and personal substitute? I suppose it could be we’re just a lot less patient than we used to be, and waiting til we’re dead before we experience justice does seem a little bleak. However, I think the reason is that immediate justice is much more palatable to human beings, and being able to experience justice delivers a much more significant weight to it.

The thing is, the world is the human realm. Cosmic justice is important to the nature of reality, but existence itself is outside of our jurisdiction. Our justice is our justice. When we see bad things happening to good people, it is up to us to provide redress for that imbalance. Externalizing that justice only seeks to pass on the responsibility that we otherwise would need to sustain.

If you want to include karma in your spiritual choices, that’s fine, but building better lifetimes means building a better world, and a better world is the result of human effort and human diligence, not any interference from divine forces.

HealthBC Now Offering New ‘Human Connection’ Drug For Seniors

http://www.kymonews.com/news/BC/healthbc-now-offering-new-human-connection-drug-for-seniors/article5633563/

HealthBC has spent years contriving new ways of keeping its financial head above the water, and this year it must manage the dismal 18 billion dollar budgetary constraints being imposed upon it by the provincial government. However, after sustained incremental cuts over the years to seemingly superfluous programs like social activities for seniors in state-funded care facilities, it has discovered an unfathomable conundrum. Many studies have shown that basic interaction between human beings has a distinctive physiological benefit for seniors and has even been shown to reduce the risk of cognitive disabilities like Alzheimer’s and dementia. KYMO News spoke to HealthBC official Sarah Palmers in 2014 about this development:

“Providing overworked employees to cater our understaffed facilities has been a staple of the HealthBC family for generations. We strongly abide by our stance that facilitating a relationship with our clientele is detrimental to the care that we as a faceless government monolith can provide. We cannot abandon our mission statement of fiscal efficiency to the point of criminal neglect, but we also cannot ignore this new data. HealthBC is committed to finding a way to incorporate this ‘Human Connection’ into the services we provide.”

Finding a way to commodify human connection confused and frightened health care providers, and many failed attempts were initially made. One such attempt was HealthBC’s partnership with the residential care reform movement Worldwide Health Organizational Reform for Engaging Seniors. By joining with WHORES, HealthBC adopted many new service programs. For a nominal fee, HealthBC would send over WHORES caregivers to pretend to be the grandchildren of resident seniors. Matching the hair colour and age of those grandchildren would cost extra, and legal fees would need to be accommodated if the caregiver needed to be trafficked from another country. Unfortunately, this service has been suspended pending a verdict from the International Human Rights Tribunal.

Luckily, today scientists have been able to synthesize human connection by analyzing brain scans of seniors looking at pictures of their families while using the pictures of their domineering and patronizing hospital attendants as the control. The actual families could not be reached for this research due to being “too busy”. The results researchers discovered were put in little capsules and simply added to the Skittles bag of pills that seniors endure on a daily basis. Of course, human connection is not considered a medical necessity, so these pills will not be covered under the Medical Services Plan of BC.

KYMO News interviewed Mrs. Palmers after this new development to obtain the official position of HealthBC:

“HealthBC is thrilled to offer Human Connection to our service users at a reasonable price. By blissfully ignoring the significantly cheaper preventative methods being touted to exhaustion by seniors advocates, we can move forward with this million dollar research that allows us to more fully explore new ways to distance ourselves from our clientele.”

Human Connection may not be right for you. If you suffer from introversion or misanthropy, Human Connection may cause severe rash or diarrhea. Please consult your doctor before use.